Several years
ago, a cartoon was circulating about a little girl who had grabbed her mother's
chin and demanded "Momma, whole face listen!" in order to get her
mother to stop what she was doing, look at her, and really listen. Unfortunately,
this tendency towards multi-tasking, and not really listening to young
children, and even adults, is becoming far too common, and is increasing as a
result of the prevalence of technology, via hand held devices.
Recently, while
out for dinner one evening, I had the 'opportunity' to observe a young Dad out
for dinner with his daughter, who was probably five or six years old. When they
were seated a few tables away, Dad was facing my table, and immediately began
checking messages, answering texts or emails, and answered several phone calls,
all while the waitress took their order (which he did by pointing to items on
the menu), and their dinner was served, and eaten. Meanwhile, the little girl colored her
coloring sheet, ate her dinner, while attempting several times to have a
conversation with her father, who held his hand up to silence her, and motioned
her to eat or color. Left to her own
devices, the little girl began to rip open sugar packets and spread them
around, climb off and on her chair, leave the table to go to the washroom, and
finally knocked her drink over and broke the glass. At that point, Dad,
motioned for the check and they left the restaurant. As they passed our table, Dad was heard to
say, 'Well, I'm never taking you out for
dinner again, if that's the way you are going to behave!' I wanted to follow them out to the parking
lot and tell Dad that perhaps he was the one who shouldn't get to go out to
dinner again, if that's the way he behaves.
Recently, Global
News, shared a story "Are Smart-phones to blame for distracted
Parenting?" describing a study conducted by Boston Medical Centre
researchers, in 15 Boston restaurants, studying the interaction between 55
families during their meals. Of these families, 40 of them had mobile devices
on the table, and 16 of the parents used their phones the entire meal, with
children from infants to age ten. During
the video, several parents were seen to motion their child away, and one parent
even kicked her child under the table, while engaged with a hand held
device Dr. Radesky says she isn't
telling parents to stop using their phones by any means, but emphasizes we need
to create boundaries for the devices when we are with children. The study
authors stress that face-to-face interaction is how bonds are formed between
children and their parents, through
speaking, touching and interacting.
Research on the
effects of technology, or the newly coined phrase 'absent presence' and the development of young children is
scarce, as it is a relatively new
phenomena. However, Dr. Deborah Fallows,
and others, have asked the question-' Does the time adults spend with their
mobile devices affect the way young children learn language?' She states, a
2009 pediatrics publication showed, ' children's language abilities and
eventual academic success are linked to the sheer volume of words they are
exposed to early on...the quality of
the linguistic exposure, not just it's quantity, matters.' Further
she adds, ' parents talking to their babies, playing with trucks and dolls, and
making toy sounds is the critical ingredient for their child's language
learning. There is no replacement for social-interaction.' Dr. Fallows quotes Dimitri Christakis, 'You
can only do one thing at a time:talk to the baby or talk on the phone.'
Deborah Joyce,
Executive Director of the Family Resource Association, Kristin Zolten, and Nicholas Long from the
Center for Effective Parenting, share a similar message regarding how
essential: making eye contact; stopping what you are doing; actively listening;
and acknowledging that you have heard; are, to giving young children (and
adults) the message that you are there for them, are interested in what they
have to say, and you value them as a person. This interaction increases not
only communication skills, but develops self confidence in our children In essence, when we 'whole face talk', we are
telling our children we love them and care about them!
Papa, Don't
Text: the Perils of Distracted Parenting, June 19, 2013, D. Fallows
